I had an encounter with someone today that has occurred various times over my life and leaves me with a sense of sadness, a bit of anger and a feeling that I've seen hypocrisy in action. Maybe prejudice or stereotyping are words that help describe this experience.
Here's the deal.
Someone says something to me like, "Oh so you're an engineer."
This might be followed by "that's what I thought" or "assumed" or "guessed". Today it happened before I had said anything, so I guess the person who said it based their assumption on my appearance.
I've seen this happen with people who become enamoured with pyschological profiles like Myers-Briggs or other schemes where people begin to think they could somehow encompass the wonder of a human being by some sort of labeling system.
The unsaid part is what hurts - I have inferred that I know who you are, or what you are, what you care about, or in general what type of person you are because I have given you a label.
You Don't Know Me.
The thing that bothers me most about these encounters is that they have occurred with people in an academic, sometimes social, or other non-work setting where the topic under discussion had something to do with humanity (in general) and nothing to do with occupation or labels. The difficult part for me is that the people making the comment profess to be feeling, caring, open minded, non-judgemental, open to alternate lifestyles, religious beliefs, political viewpoints etc.
The next time you are in a setting where what you are talking about has nothing to do with a person's occupation, it's probably best to withold prejudging and not comment on what "label" you have attached to a person.
If you are in a Math class it's probably okay to say, "Oh from the way you answered that question I assume you are a mathmatician." If you are in a theology class it's probably not appropriate to say, "that sounds like something a mathmatician would say." if you get my drift.
There's an element of "political correctness" at work here. Of course a person wouldn't say in a gathering of open minded caring people, "oh so you're gay, that's what I figured" or "you look like a liberal democrat to me". That same person unfortunately might not think twice about making some inference about who you are because you are a man/woman, young/old, formally educated/self educated, or your avocation/occupation.
You never know who someone might be...and you aren't going to find out if you climb the ladder of inference too quickly.
You don't know me. I might be working as an engineer, or a cook, a teacher, a preacher, a social worker, nurse, policeman, a farmer, truck driver or a student...I might be gay or straight, a Republican or a Democrat..I might be poor or rich or young or old - but those are just words. You have no knowledge of what I've lost, what I've gained, what I've studied, what I care about, what gave me joy and what caused me sadness.
Next time you see me...just say, "Oh so you're a fellow human being."
"That's what I thought."
Thanks
Jack
