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This one is a quote from an episode of King of the Hill, not exactly a joke but a funny line -
RAY: You ever hear of a guy named Jack?
HANK: Well, I went to high school with a guy named --
RAY: No, no, this guy never went to school, he grew up in the hills. But he wrote the book on homemade bait. 'Course it's just a bunch of scribbles 'cause he never went to school.
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And a couple of horse jokes -
A blonde decides to try horseback riding,
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately
springs into motion.
It gallops along in a steady and rhythmic pace,
but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs the horse's mane but cannot
get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around
the horse's neck but she slides down its side anyway.
The horse gallops along oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps
away from the horse to try and throw herself to
safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become
entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy
of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is
struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she
is mere moments away from unconsciousness
when, to her great fortune the Wal-Mart manager
sees her...and unplugs the horse.
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What Happened in Texas?
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the saloon's regulars had a habit of picking on strangers. When the cowboy finished his drink and left the saloon, he found that his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without looking, and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?" he yelled forcefully. No one answered. "All right, I'm gonna have another drink, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done in Texas! And I don't wanna have to do what I done in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy, true to his word, had another drink and walked outside, to find that his horse had been returned to its post. He saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender followed the cowboy out of the bar. "Say partner, before you go," the bartender asked nervously, "what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
