I believe happiness comes by living a life of meaning - being loved, giving love, being fully awake, aware and present in the "moment" - so we can share joy, sorrow....life.
A huge part of that path to happiness is learning to love yourself. Lot's of people have lots of ideas to share or sell you on that.
For me personally - Christianity, with some Buddhist practices thrown in, works pretty well. It wasn't always that way and it still isn't always that way.
If you happen to be in a place where loving yourself isn't possible right now - wait - slow down - stop, look and listen. It might take awhile but keep in mind that the best thing you can do, is to be you, whoever and whatever you are - is perfect - you're perfect - it's all perfect. It can't be any other way.
It may be stating the obvious but in order to be happy you need to associate with happy people. I don't mean that you have to hang out with clowns, as fun as that may be - but you need some optimistic, fun-loving, helpful, non-negative people in your life. If you are very lucky you will be surrounded by those people at home and work. If you find yourself in a place where some totally negative vibes keep coming from a person, or persons, it may be best if you or they move on.
You can make simple adjustments in your life to aim at your happiness goals, but it all starts from the inside and works it's way outward. You can't buy happiness (I don't think you can even rent it)....it's the same old deal - "wherever you go there you are". You can go to a beautiful sun-drenched beach, be holding the drink with the little umbrella, laying in a hammock - but unless you are happy within yourself - it isn't going to work. It's easy to confirm this theory by looking at people who have lots of "things" go lots of "places" but are so very unhappy that they end up doing very self-destructive things.
Enough of my ramblings.
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NPR has a program about Finding Happiness - a very popular class at Harvard, taught by Tal Ben-Shahar.
NPR has a program about Finding Happiness - a very popular class at Harvard, taught by Tal Ben-Shahar.
Six Tips for Happiness from Tal Ben-Shahar
1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions -- such as fear, sadness, or anxiety -- as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?
4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do -- or don't do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
Source: NPR : Finding Happiness in a Harvard Classroom
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I don't know - sometimes it's 6 steps, sometimes 7, sometimes 12 steps, or in the case of the book mentioned below - four.
I think finding happiness/peace/joy is an infinite number of small steps - happiness is a journey, a path, not a destination. In the words of Harry Chapin, "It's got to be the goin not the gettin there that's good."
In any event, the author of the "Four Agreements" and his family sound interesting - this is from the website of don Miguel and don Jose Luis Ruiz -
"Don Miguel Ruiz was born into a family of healers and raised in rural Mexico by a curandera (healer) mother and nagual (shaman) grandfather. The family anticipated don Miguel would embrace their centuries old legacy of healing and teaching and as a nagual, carry forward the esoteric Toltec knowledge. Instead, distracted by modern life, don Miguel chose to attend medical school and later teach and practice as a surgeon. "
Don Miguel is the author of The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom the agreements summarized on his website as follows -
Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
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