At some times and in some places, for some people, the idea of looking out for yourself, caring for yourself is looked down upon. The thought of being interested in your self is seen as selfish, narcissistic, egotistical. The truly "good" person should be more interested in others than in his or her self.
You know......that might work if you were born a saint or if not saintly, at least with a toolbox of atypical human skills - compassion, selflessness, equanimity, a non-judgmental attitude and the ability to listen carefully deeply from our hearts. Mother Theresa or her likes are few and far between, so most of us have work to do on ourselves before we could hope to help another.
I'm not even sure we can help another, so I'll say before we can help another help themselves.
You start out as a child with many admirable behaviors that would be useful for adults (curiousity, creativity, wonder, love, laughter, joy) then you go to school "grow up", and get screwed up by various events in life.
You may then work from the inside-out on your self, maybe for many years before you come to a point where you may be able to model some behavior that may be useful for another. (lot's of may's in that sentence...there's no sure things here). Maybe some people emerge from school with their childlike curiousity intact and find themselves surrounded only by family, friends and loved ones who foster their social, emotional, and psychological well being.
They are not the people I'm writing about. I'm thinking of the 99.9 percent of the population that are wounded, addicted, hurting or in some other way suffering. And more specifically for those wounded people (as we all are) who have some interest in healing first themselves and then helping others heal.
So....you help yourself so you can help others. As you help others you find that it helps you and you end up with a positive spiraling effect where you continue to grow in your abilities. The more you do the more you can do. No one is perfectly altruistic - we don't help others simply for the sake of helping them - at the expense of our own well being (at least not long term...certainly in an emergency we may have a hero inside us...but over the long haul it's not going to work. for the non-saintly at least, to ignore what you need - comfort, care, solitude, companionship, spirituality, love; in order to sacrifice for the good of another.
I talk a pretty good game. I'm self-aware enough to know that often what I do says much more than what I say, but I have a feeling this theory works in practice. I'll let you know in 10 or 20 years.
In the vein of helping others and helping others I offer these two short reading pieces, one from me and one from one of my favorite websites Interluderetreat.com -
When Someone You Know Is Grieving
Shedding Negative Vibes
Wishing you a peaceful and refreshing Sunday. Hopefully with some time for reflection and giving thanks for what we have. And for those lacking what they need, the faith that there are better things to come....knowing once again as always we truly are all in this together.
