There I said it. I know it sounds wrong, but it's the truth. It's as simple as knowing you have to take care of yourself if you are ever going to take care of or help another.
We need to be very in-touch with ourselves to gauge where we are emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. We have to know when things are a little out of balance and be able to correct. When it's time to step away, relax, do something different - unwind, rewind and refresh. When it's time to recreate ourselves.
Everything we do is me-centered.
Again that sounds wrong. What about the helpful, good hearted, unselfish people who are out serving others?
They are, if they are worth their salt, getting more out of what they are doing (or at least as much) as the people they serve.
You have to be careful if you ever run into someone "pure". You might meet an angel or two in this lifetime, but it's rare. The purely unselfish types often times are a bit delusional and can at worst be downright mean. If they could consciously connect with their inner self and discover that what they are doing is not giving them pleasure (and they were honest about it) they'd stop. In some cases they would be doing those they are "helping" a favor.
Without inner consistency - integrity - we end up with someone who on the surface is good/helpful/kind, but there is something else just below the surface. The issue is what is hidden and what comes out when they think no one is looking or when they are in a position of power with someone powerless.
We can't, know matter how hard we try - be one person one place and another person somewhere else. Certainly we all have our roles - mother, father, brother, sister, friend, worker, teacher, student, etc. and we all respond differently in those roles. Responding differently is not the same as being a different person in those areas. You can't be a nice mother and a mean teacher...you are either a nice person or you aren't. It's a quality that makes you who you are, and who you are is not going to vary from one place to the next. What you do and how you react yes - but your authentic self - you're you - that's fixed.
Occasionaly someone who is purported, or purports, to have saintly qualities will drop their mask for a second in your presence, and you catch a glimpse of someone who isn't so "nice" after all. One caveat here - no one is a saint all the time. No one is nice all the time. Good people, helpful people, loving people, all can have their moments where they don't live up to their expectations. We all have bad minutes, hours, days, weeks. My point is the person who puts on an appearance of perfection 24/7 is probably the person to be worried about - particularly when you catch that glimpse of some act that is hmmmmmm dare I say it - a bit evil or less damningly - mean spirited, for no other reason than to be mean.
It's about authenticity. Being who you are. Not talking about who you are, quoting the bible or going to church on Sunday. It's what you do when no one else is there to know that counts. No one is going to thank you for that, no one will know, you won't be a hero - but you might be a true saint. Pure acts of charity are only possible when there is nothing external to be gained on the part of the giver...no money changes hands, love is given without the expectation that it will be returned, no awards are given, no pats on the back - but (and this is a big but) - you know and really that's all that matters.
Have a great Friday and enjoy your weekend - you deserve it for all the good things you do.
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A good book about caregivers and their relationship to those they care for is Wendy Lustbader's Counting On Kindness
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