Accepting ourselves and others, as we are and as we can become - leads us to personal growth, greater happiness and richer more rewarding relationships with others.
"Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye." - Matthew 7:1-5 (NRSV)
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling-block or hindrance in the way of another." - Romans 14:13 (NRSV)
How easy it is to judge another. I’ll often make up my mind about a person in literally a blink of an eye – using their physical appearance, body language, and clothing. If they speak - the words they use, the tone of their voice help me climb the ladder of inference.
As hard as I try, I still find myself doing this. I think it’s a function of a primitive part of our brain, a throwback to the time when we had to decide if fight or flight was the proper response. Haven’t seen any saber tooth tigers in the neighborhood so for the most part this auto-response is not very useful, and can be darn right harmful in situations where I am trying to connect with the people around me.
There are times when we need to make split second decisions about another. Walking across a dark deserted parking lot for example. What’s appropriate in a dark parking lot is not appropriate in a meeting where you wish to interact with other people. Have a conversation. Learn from them. Walk a mile, or even a couple of feet, in their moccasins.
The best I can do is be aware of this primitive mind-set and attempt to withhold judgment, categorizing, stereotyping – indefinitely. No two people are the same – they might look the same, wear the same clothes, talk the same – but they haven’t lived the same, loved the same, learned the same or lost the same. Celebrate the differences.
Looking at another with envy or disgust both involve my ability to judge who that person is. The bible passages above tell us even if we did know something about another it is not our place to judge. We are all sinners. But the good new is that we are also all saints.
Be good to yourself, fellow saint, and be as good as you can be to others. If you can love yourself you are well on the road to learning to love others.
