One cause of stress is a feeling that things are cycling out of control, that we aren't getting where we want to go. Unimportant things may be taking over our lives at the expense of important things.
What to do?
Stop - Look - Listen
We need to decide if we want to live with intention, knowing where we want to go - or live unintentionally, letting other people (or things) propel us in circles or off on tangents.
Setting aside time for planning, for reflecting, is key. Examining our motives/desires/goals, gives us a compass that helps us from going in circles, on tangents or doing excessive backtracking on our path. Thinking about where we want to be next week, next year and even thinking about how we want to be remembered when we aren't here.
What are our "most important things"?
I'm a fan of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, and for those of you familiar with his work this will not be new.
Part of that planning is to divide our activities into one of four quadrants - those that are "urgent and important", "not urgent but important", "urgent but not important" and finally "neither urgent nor important".
There are plenty of "urgent and important" things for us to do most days, which may cause us to fall short on attending to the "not urgent but important" things in our lives. Things like - planning, getting enough exercise, taking time for friends and family, writing letters, enjoying life, taking care of ourselves so we can help others.
Those of us in office situations may be faced with many "urgent but not important" tasks. We find we can make a day out of sifting through Email's - some marked urgent, rush, hot..etc...only to find they may be a whole lot of nothing.
Our planning (and our actions) need to address our basic needs for mental/intellectual growth, physical well being, spiritual exercises and social emotional connections. It's the YMCA motto - Mind, Body, Spirit (plus friends and family connections).
From the Seven Habits we learn to -
- Be Proactive. Here, Covey emphasizes the original sense of the term "proactive" as coined by Viktor Frankl. Being "proactive" means taking responsibility for everything in life, rather than blaming other people and circumstances for obstacles or problems. Initiative, and taking action will then follow.
- Begin with the End In Mind. This chapter is about setting long-term goals based on "true-north principles". Covey recommends to formulate a "personal mission statement" to document one's perception of one's own purpose in life. He sees Visualization as an important tool to develop this. He also deals with organizational mission statements, which he claims to be more effective if developed and supported by all members of an organization, rather than being prescribed.
- Put First Things First Here, Covey describes a framework for prioritizing work that is aimed at long-term goals, at the expense of tasks that appear to be urgent, but are in fact less important. Delegation is presented as an important part of time management. Successful delegation, according to Covey, focuses on results and benchmarks that are to be agreed in advance, rather than on prescribing detailed work plans.
- Think Win/Win describes an attitude whereby mutually beneficial solutions are sought, that satisfy the needs of oneself as well as others, or, in the case of a conflict, both parties involved.
- Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood. Covey warns that giving out advice before having empathetically understood a person and their situation will likely result in that advice being rejected. Thoroughly listening to another person's concerns instead of reading out your own autobiography is purported to increase the chance of establishing a working communication.
- Synergize describes a way of working in teams. Apply effective problem solving. Apply collaborative decision making. Value differences. Build on divergent strengths. Leverage creative collaboration. Embrace and leverage innovation. It is put forth that, when this is pursued as a habit, the result of the teamwork will exceed the sum of what each of the members could have achieved on their own. “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”
Source: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
If I was to pick one of those that resonates with me it has to be "seeking first to understand and then be understood". I'm not always very good at listening...but it's so key. Not just listening to others but quieting yourself down enough to hear that still small voice inside you.
We work from the inside out in an intentional life. In other words - a billion words from a million self-help books, or a thousand sermons aren't going to make a whit of difference unless something happens inside you - that changes how we look at and interact with the world.
We work from the inside out in an intentional life. In other words - a billion words from a million self-help books, or a thousand sermons aren't going to make a whit of difference unless something happens inside you - that changes how we look at and interact with the world.
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We all have ways that have worked in the past to help us relax and can put those successful stress management techniques into practice again. MayoClinic.com has lots of information on handling stress. Some of the techniques they recommend include -
* Re-prioritizing work goals and tasks
* Making sure to carve out time for physical activity every day
* Not skipping meals or resorting to fast food
* Delegating household chores to other family members
* Taking short breaks to practice relaxed breathing or muscle relaxation
* Putting a positive spin on negative thoughts
* Create realistic expectations and deadlines for yourself, and set regular progress reviews.
* Throw away unimportant papers on your desk. Prepare a master list of tasks.
* Throughout the day, scan your master list and work on tasks in priority order.
* Use a planner. Store addresses and telephone numbers there. Copy tasks from your master list onto the page for the day on which you expect to do them. Evaluate and prioritize daily.
* For especially important or difficult projects, reserve an interruption-free block of time behind closed doors.
These simple but important stress management techniques can help you restore a sense of calm and peace of mind and give you the time to reflect on what "living a good life" means to you.
